It doesn’t matter who we are, we are all going to question the morality of the situation we are going through. Sometimes, we may not be able to address all of the concerns in our own mind so we look to others for assistance. That is where the “Am I The A**hole?” community on Reddit comes in.
People were able to go to that Reddit community to discuss moral dilemmas with people they don’t know. At times, those moral dilemmas are easy to identify but at other times, it causes a firestorm of debate. That is what happened when one woman had a friend who kicked her out of the bridal party because she wouldn’t wear a wig.
The woman said that she had gone through chemotherapy and lost her hair. Her friend, ‘Karen’ had invited her to be a bridesmaid before she received her diagnosis and started treatment.
“This is a throwaway account because the bride follows me on Reddit and I’m still a little confused about the whole situation. I am very good friends with the bride to be, let’s call her Karen for simplicity. She got engaged about 1.5 years ago and immediately asked me to be a bridesmaid which I was thrilled about (she was my maid of honor for context). To make a long story short I got some real bad news in the past year and had to undergo radiation and chemotherapy. I don’t want to go into details about this because it’s still very traumatic for me.”
Generally speaking, Karen has been a supportive friend during this difficult time.
“My hair fell out and I am recovering but my hair is still very short. I have also been very active in the survivor community and have been involved in fundraising and public speaking. Karen has been super supportive through all of this. She is a nurse and it has been nice to have someone with a medical background to chat about some of these issues with.”
Karen had recently taken her to a hair salon that specializes in wigs. Karen knows that her friend has gone through a lot with the hair loss and is doing her best to keep her spirits up.
“About 2 weeks ago Karen called me and told me she was going to take me out to celebrate my remission and end of treatment and had a special surprise for me. I agree and we meet up. We go to a spa which was super nice and enjoy some skin treatments, massages, and general pampering. At the end of the day, she takes me to a special hair salon which specializes in high-quality wigs. I am a little taken aback by this because Karen knows that a lot of the work I have been involving psychological treatment in cancer patients and avoiding the shame associated with hair loss for instance.”
She put up with the experience but declined in a polite way to choose a wig for the wedding.
“I politely go through the appointment and even try on some wigs although I was quite upset honestly. I politely decline when she offers to pick one out and try to forget the whole ordeal.”
This is where things get nasty.
After going with Karen to look at the wigs, she received a phone call saying that she would no longer be welcome as a part of the bridal party. She was ‘completely floored’ by what was said because she felt so close to Karen.
“So she calls me yesterday and tells me that I can’t be in the bridal party any longer because the minister stated there are too many people in the bridal party. This completely floors me because basically, I am her number 2 girl after her sister (who she barely gets along with).”
The woman talked to other bridesmaids who mentioned that she may have been asked to leave the bridal party because Karen was concerned about how her lack of hair would look at the wedding photos.
“I call around and it although some of the other bridesmaids are reluctant to tell me anything hint at the fact that Karen was worried about how the pictures are going to look with someone with a bald head. I was so upset, I tried to call her but she did not respond. I am thinking I am may not go to the wedding but want to make sure I am not overthinking this. Her wedding is in 2 weeks.”
After she got in touch with Karen, she blamed the minister and accused her friend of being ‘really distant’ over the past year.
“I finally got ahold of Karen. She told me that it was definitely not because of my hair but because the minister was adamant that six maids of honors were too many. She went on to say that I have been really distant the past year and that I didn’t seem interested in helping her with the wedding which is why she decided to select me to be off the wedding party. She said she helped me a lot and that I’m not returning the favor by being a team player. She said that she knows I am going through a lot but that my personality “has changed” and that I’m not the friend she knows from childhood. I’m still conflicted but she brought up the wig again almost like it wear it I can be back on the team. She didn’t actually say that but kind of a weird feeling I got. I think I’m done with her and I don’t think I can bring myself to go to the wedding. I thought she was a different person than a self-interested bride. Thanks for all the support. I don’t want to shame her or anything because that’s not the kind of person I am.”
The woman feels conflicted and thinks that she is now finished being Karen’s friend. The majority of the people who were on Reddit also felt a similar level of stress. If it isn’t difficult enough to deal with cancer, she now has to deal with a ‘friend’ who is just as toxic.
I love to write and it keeps me busy. I've been working online, full time since 1999.