Dad Shocked When Daughter Invited His Treacherous Brother to Her Wedding
This man did not murder his brother like Cain did to Abel. But he stabbed his younger brother in the metaphorical heart, causing him a disturbing amount of pain that may never be able to fully heal.
This story was shared by u/father-of-the-bride on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum, in which he, already victimized, experienced more agony upon discovering what his own daughter has also done behind his back.
OP started his post with the following revelation: “I’m 46M, my brother 48M. When I was 20, my then-girlfriend cheated with my brother. I was heartbroken and pissed. I told him he is no longer my brother. Despite my request, my family didn’t cut him off, so I told them that I will never again be in the same place as he is. If they wish to invite both, then they should just invite him, as I am the one giving the ultimatum.”
OP lived with this heartache for many years, and even up to now he cannot forget what his brother and ex-girlfriend did to him, especially since the two ended up marrying each other.
OP continued to write in his post, “My daughter is getting married in spring next year. In our culture, both parents are paying for the wedding, 50/50. Unexpectedly, my daughter sat me down and told me that she will be inviting my brother and his family (he married my cheating ex). Apparently, she was seeing them for the last 4 years and built a relationship behind my back. She even wants her cousin to be some kind of flower girl.”
OP’s bitter anger resurfaced. How could his own daughter do this to him? He told her about his boundaries and that he refused to pay part of the wedding cost if she would carry out her plan to invite his treacherous older brother and his family. His daughter argued with him, saying that he should forget about the past. But OP remained firm in his stand, and when his daughter continued to defend her uncle and accuse OP of being selfish, OP told her that he would no longer attend the occasion, so she could have everything that she wished. With that, his daughter left in tears.
OP related what happened next: “My ex-wife called me screaming and told me I’m huge AH, and our daughter is crushed. Then my parents called, same thing. I told them off, and now I’m ignoring their calls. My GF told me to reconsider and apologize. By not paying and attending, I will break my relationship with my daughter. I don’t know. I think my boundaries should be respected. Am I a–hole for that?”
Well, in cases like this, when the wound that a betrayal has inflicted has gone too deep, it may be best to respect the feelings and boundaries of the aggrieved. Moreover, it was not a “simple” kind of betrayal; it involved his older brother — someone who’s naturally trusted by his younger siblings. In fact, an older brother is often idolized by his younger brother at times, to the point of kissing the ground that he walks on. It’s difficult to describe the depth of anguish that this kind of back-stabbing by one’s own blood relative could cause.
In their reactions, many of the AITA members sympathized with OP and disapproved of his daughter’s actions and attitude.
AsuraRathalos wrote, “Yo wtf is happening on Reddit today…. man, NTA all the way. This is one of those stories where your daughter has decided that she’s willing to alienate you for someone that betrayed your trust. It doesn’t matter if it was 20 years ago, it only matters that it happened, which thereby means, she betrayed your trust. If she wants him there so bad, he can pay half. Also, it’s ok that she has a relationship, it’s ok that she wants her cousin in it, but it’s not ok that she wants you to pay (half) for her wedding so a person that truly hurt you can participate in it as well. While I am fully supporting you standing your ground, just remember, if you stand here, you will miss out on her potential kids, bday parties, and other family events because your fam will truly cut you off. If you’re ok with that, do so.”
Arilyne also defended OP, “I definitely agree, and I’m a woman. This sub has always been biased and always defended women. But when a similar story is posted by a man, suddenly the man is an AH. Do people not realise that the blatant bias verdict does not cast women in a good light? For shame.”
AveryAverina likewise agreed, “I just saw a post on another subreddit talking about how she saw her husband and sister naked in the kitchen she paid for, and everyone was so supportive and encouraging going no-contact. Now OP chose to do the same and is enforcing the same boundaries for two decades, and somehow they’re different. Just how? They’ve both been betrayed by their siblings.”
Meanwhile, Accurate-Ad-4905 pointed out more of OP’s unfair losses: “People are also ignoring the fact that it is OP who has dealt with the consequences his entire life, while his brother is accommodated! He missed family events to avoid his brother, and now it’s his daughter’s wedding. How has his brother suffered? He’s still with the girl he stole from his brother, and now that brother’s daughter is putting this a-hole first too.”
