Love and Money: When Your Significant Other Doesn’t Want to be Fair, Beware!

Money matters are not the only major reason why two people once in love break apart.

There are other things that may have been eating away at the relationship which they have been ignoring, like appreciating each other regularly and engaging in activities that keep romance alive. Careers and home chores take a huge bulk of time and attention, and often at the end of the day, you’re too tired to be the funny and interesting person that your partner has fallen in love with.

Sometimes, it’s also the case of one partner realizing that she loves herself more.

The comments on this viral post will have you thinking deeply. Other than the usual advice to “hurry up and pack up the bag,” some of the Redditors shared a fascinating perspective as to why people post this kind of story on the popular/controversial social media.

First, let’s hear the story from the Original Poster with the username u/Living_Buffalo_6 on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum: “I (M29) have lived together with my girlfriend (F29) for three years. We have always split bills and rent proportional to income (she introduced this idea and explained why she supports its equitable breakdown) and we both do chores and housework equally. Up until a month ago, I earned almost double her income. However, my company has been doing pay cuts, and my girlfriend recently got a major promotion, so now she makes about 50% more than I do.”

Based on their agreement, the couple should “split bills and rent proportional to income” as suggested by OP’s girlfriend. However, his girlfriend now required a 50/50 split instead. OP tried to question her on this new arrangement, but his girlfriend just replied that he should be grateful she was flexible enough to upend her finances for his sake.

She further told him that she didn’t have to “punish herself for her financial successes,” and she found OP’s inflexible attitude a turn-off.

It’s not a surprise that the AITA community gave an NTA judgment on this situation, but let’s go over some of the thought-provoking comments:

From LostandParanoid: “NTA. She has one foot out the door already and is trying to save money for the inevitable break-up. Get out now.”

From Viewfromthe31stfloor: “I agree that she has one foot out the door. She now makes enough to support herself. I don’t think she is trying to save up behind his back. She wants him to support her financially, and she won’t support him. I think if she was committed to the relationship, she wouldn’t mind paying her fair share.”

From Loki–Laufeyson: “I think that life is too short to put up with the amount of shit people post on here about. Every time I see something like ‘Reddit goes hard for break ups,’ I just laugh, because it’s always a situation where it’s perfectly reasonable for the person to break up, and the OP shouldn’t be shamed for going that direction if they want to anyway. Obviously, compromise is essential in a relationship but only to a certain degree, which is usually passed by the time the partner gets fed up enough to post about it.”

From hill-biscuit: “People make a big deal of how Reddit threads so often say break up, but, yeah, if you find yourself on Reddit asking strangers if you’re an a-hole, then it’s not working for you. We’re just starting at a baseline where breaking up isn’t a terrible idea.”

This story was also published on Newsweek, where the expert whom they contacted shared a great piece of advice. According to Amanda Kaphammer, the chief wealth strategist at Sol Spyre: “It’s fair to expect that the original agreement of proportional contribution to joint expenses is upheld, even with changing incomes.” Then, she recommended for the couple to have a healthy discussion of the matter, focusing on “Us” rather than “I.” She felt that “the girlfriend may feel her promotion wasn’t acknowledged and may be projecting her feelings onto him, while the boyfriend may feel betrayed and that she violated their agreement.”

Through “transparent and constructive communication,” they may be able to overcome this hurdle and other problems in the future.

But the big question is: “What if sincere communication doesn’t work? Just like in many relationships we’ve seen in life and read on Reddit?”

To quote one of the AITA commenters again, “Obviously compromise is essential in a relationship but only to a certain degree, which is usually passed by the time the partner gets fed up enough to post about it.”

What do you think?