Redditors Harshly Criticize Mom for Valuing Grades More than Her Daughter’s Pain

Damnation was what this mother got after posting her story on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum!

Posting under the name u/EbbApprehensive1470, her opening words were: “If I come off as callous it’s because I’m trying to be succinct.”

But being succinct has nothing to do with her brutal treatment of her own daughter, who has been in a car accident.

She begins the story with, “I (46f) have a 16 year old daughter. In July, she was in a car accident. Most of her injuries were mild. She went to the hospital but they let her go home after a few days of observation. But even after we got home, she still complained a lot about pain. I was concerned and took her to our GP but they couldn’t find anything wrong. I told her it was probably in her head and in response to the traumatic event and that she’d be fine in a few days. She stopped complaining about it after that and everything seemed good.”

What happened next? OP wrote, “I got an email from her teacher that’s she’s constantly despondent in class and laying her head down and not participating. I was already seeing red from that and I decided to check on her grades. She turned in multiple assignments late and lost points on them, which is not at all on par with her typical performance. I confronted her about it and she was really quiet at first, like she didn’t know what to say. I pushed her on it and she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bullshit. She hasn’t said a peep about it for two months, only when her grades are slipping. We started arguing about it and I said that her grades matter more than her ‘pain’. She’s a junior this year, it is not the time to be slacking.”

Well, her daughter’s subsequent reaction of course is understandable to everyone — EXCEPT TO HER MOTHER! The teenage girl keeps herself in her room, no longer wanting to talk to anyone.

Her mom complained on her post, “She wouldn’t even go to school today. I’m at a loss, she’s never been so difficult. And I’m questioning whether or not I’m in the right here. AITA?”

This post unleased great fury from the AITA community!

“YTA – And a horrible mother. Newsflash, she stayed quiet about her pain for two months because you invalidated her by saying it’s ‘all in her head.’ She no longer felt safe telling HER MOTHER that she was in DEBILITATING PAIN. YOU DID THAT. And when you found out she had still been in pain for two months? You proved her fear absolutely correct by being angry at her. FOR BEING IN PAIN! You say that this isn’t in line with her past behavior, so logic would dictate that something is wrong. Stop blaming your daughter for being in pain!” expressed one fuming Reddit user who continued the comment with the following paragraph.

“Sometimes a GP doesn’t find the problem. That doesn’t mean there isn’t one. Do you know what a good mom would do? She would take her daughter to any doctor she could to find out what was causing her child pain. She wouldn’t tell her daughter to just suck it up and deal with pain. A good mom tries to help her child, especially when that child is in pain. You failed your daughter two months ago. You’re failing her now. Do better. Apologize to her. HELP HER. Her well-being is way more important than insignificant grades. I mean, really. Would you rather have a living daughter with a lapse in grades due to a medical issue, or a dead daughter with straight A’s on her final report card?”

This parent also has very frank words to say, “This exactly, I would take my kid to any doctor who would listen to figure out what is happening with her. WTF OP, whether it’s physical or emotional, your daughter has been struggling for 2 months, up to the point that she cannot function at school because of her pain.. what’s wrong with you? Take her to any doctor to figure out what is wrong!! YTA. (ETA: just saw your comment that you went to the doctor in July, just once. You should have gotten a second opinion instead of dismissing your kid’s pain a month later. Jezus…)

Meanwhile, a medical doctor took time to respond to this post as well: “Occupational therapist and brain injury specialist here! If she was in the hospital for a few days from an MVA, she likely has at least an mTBI. Get her into a neurologist for that, a neuro optometrist to assess her vision, and mental health professional with TBI experience. Brain injuries cause deficits in what’s called executive functioning, which is decision-making, prioritizing, getting things done on time, etc. I’m curious about her vestibular function, as well. So going to an audiologist would be smart and a physical therapist. She may benefit from Neurofeedback to improve emotional lability, cognition, and executive function, but try a few things out first. All of these services should be covered by your car insurance if you are in the US. There are great support groups for folks with TBIs, too.”

And another individual shared enlightening information: “Came here to say this. I’ve seen some crazy stuff from post-concussion syndrome (including a teacher who had only mild symptoms and later developed severe symptoms when school started, which is eerily similar to this story). I’d venture a guess too that this is the case, and oftentimes brain injuries are missed because they’re looking at what’s right in front of them and not searching for additional injuries.”

It’s a good thing that OP read the comments on her post and appears to have learned something. Her latest message: “I get it, I’m an awful person. I wasn’t seeing past the grades, and I treated my daughter horribly. Thank you, especially to the medical professionals who replied, I had no idea this could be so serious. I’ve already booked a specialist for two weeks from now (the earliest appointment) and apologized to my daughter. I know I still have a lot of making up to do. We’re going out for ice cream.”