No Paternity Test, No Help: Should a Man Support a Woman Who Claims to Carry His Dead Brother’s Baby?

His friends think this man is too harsh to his dead brother’s ex-girlfriend. But is he, really?

OP, who posted his story under the account name u/Tired-Bookkeeper-954 on Reddit’s r/AmItheA–hole forum, briefly talked about his brother who recently died: “Drew was an addict since his late teens and was engaging in all sorts of destructive things, and it tore our family apart. We tried rehab, therapy, support groups and interventions but nothing was working. He eventually died of an overdose.”

You can just imagine the grief that their family has gone and continues to go through because of this event.

However, as if this tragedy was not enough, a girl named Zara suddenly sent a message to OP’s parents, saying she is pregnant with Drew’s child. She is asking for financial help because she is down on her luck and might soon become homeless.

OP recognized the girl, his brother’s girlfriend way back in high school. And since his parents are still distraught, it was he who communicated directly with Zara. Zara said that she is 10 weeks pregnant and reiterated her request for money to ease her situation.

OP related what happened next: “After doing my research, I told Zara that she needs to do a paternity test first. Even though Drew is gone, the test can be done with our dad’s DNA. I said I’d pay for the paternity test. Zara got offended and upset and said she thinks I’m horrid for calling her a liar. She sent me a voice message of her crying, which I thought was a bit out of the blue.”

Indeed, in spite of that voice message, OP stands firm on his decision: Zara must take the test and prove that Drew is the father of her unborn baby, or their family will not extend her any financial help at all.

Due to his insistence, OP said that Zara just disappeared, and when he mentioned the matter to his friends, he was told that he should have been more understanding.

But is OP really the a–hole in this situation?

Many Reddit users don’t think so. Some defended the rights of both parties, while others even doubt if Zara’s pregnancy is real. Since Drew was an addict since his teens, there’s a chance that Zara is an addict too who wants to scam OP and his parents.

Here are several interesting comments. You may also want to share your own point of view below in this story’s comment section.

“NTA. Generally, a refusal to take a paternity test made with crying and accusations of calling the other person a ‘liar’ means that the test will come out negative. If this is really your brother’s child, Zara should have no problem submitting to the test,” wrote one Reddit user.

“Okay, I agree with the NTA verdict, but saying that if it’s really OP’s brother’s child then Zara should have no problem submitting to the test reads a lot like ‘people who haven’t done anything wrong have nothing to worry about from the police.’ Zara is perfectly within her rights to say no to the test. She is not within her rights to cry and be manipulative when OP says no test = no financial help, which is OP’s right to do,” comments another.

Meanwhile, this person has some serious doubts about Zara’s character and story: “Nope. I was also thinking that if Drew was in as bad a situation as OP was saying before his death, the ‘gf’ is probably an addict too.”

Doubts that another Reddit user also feels: “I’m sure she is. My question is whether the baby is even real, let alone his, or merely a way to scam some quick sympathy cash off the family and then disappear.”

This commenter, on the other hand, took the opportunity to clarify something in full support of OP: “The ‘people who haven’t done anything wrong have nothing to worry about from the police’ analogy is misplaced. While many innocent people have been sent to prison by the police, a paternity test isn’t going to show paternity where it doesn’t exist. If you are going to approach a dead man’s family asking for money due to your being pregnant with the deceased’s child, you should expect them to require evidence backing up that claim. You are right that Zara can refuse to take the test. Everyone else can also refuse to believe her. However, she is an AH for sending OP voice mail messages of her crying.”

Who do you think is in the wrong here?