A Brutal Divorce And Cancer Diagnosis Left This Survivor Reeling — But Still Hopeful

Rays of Resilience: 31 Stories in 31 Days. So many people around the world have been affected by breast cancer, yet no two breast cancer journeys are the same. This Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we’re celebrating a new survivor every day. Their resilience is an inspiration to us all.

My name is Tamsen.

In November of 2012, in the midst of a brutal divorce, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I went through three surgeries, chemotherapy and radiation. This has been the most challenging three years of my life. I have felt the most heart-wrenching lows, but I have, ironically, also had moments that were pure, unadulterated joy.

Through the fire and pain I have come out with a new awareness of who I am, and I can honestly say I love myself. Pretty amazing that I am a 48-year-old breast cancer survivor, newly divorced, facing financial hardship, starting over in almost every conceivable way, and I think I am incredible.

Even more surprising is despite all the stress, I am happy.

This has been a roller coaster ride, but I have held on tight to my faith, laughed, loved, cried a little and grown into the woman I was always meant to be.

My journey has taught me that life is how you interpret it. I can see the trials of the last three years and let them overcome me. I can look at the devastating losses I’ve experienced. Or I can look at the cancer and divorce as my chance to start over, to recreate myself; my second chance to live.

I see myself as the mythical Phoenix, rising from the ashes. I am scarred from the fire, but I am radiant and more beautiful than ever before. I am also more powerful.

It isn’t easy to get to this moment of metamorphosis. It is scary and painful to let your old self burn in the flames. I have been consumed by fear. I have felt anger for my losses. Countless things that breast cancer robs you of, security, your feminine identity and your identity as being a healthy person. Through this all, I have found that this journey has been about learning. The cancer in a strange way was also about healing my life and my spirit. It is ironic that it took facing my death to teach me that I needed to learn how to live.

I wrote that on the Breast Cancer site a few years ago and was surprised at the response it got. So many people saw it and responded, I was overwhelmed and so grateful for the kind remarks. I have had people ask me how I made it through and what happened next.

When you are going through hard times where you feel like you’re swimming upstream, with everything pushing back against you, it’s hard to keep going. For me, keeping a positive attitude made the difference. Every day I would look at how I was blessed and not how I was burdened. When I pulled up at work in the crowded parking lot, feeling sick and tired from chemo treatments, I didn’t dwell on the sick and tired; I told my kids, “Look how awesome! God always saves me a spot up close because he knows I’m tired from chemo. Look how He takes care of me.”

I also learned that I just had to give myself a break. I would take three things I had to get done that day and I let the rest go. My house looked for a bit like it needed to be condemned. I will admit to cutting the front yard grass which the neighbors could see, while the back yard was so high you couldn’t see my dogs, but we made it through.

I have not been without the cancer curses that come with this particular journey: financial troubles, stress, medical issues. Dating after thirty years, being a bit older, after multiple surgeries and a with a body going nuts after being chemically pushed into menopause, was quite a trip as well. I have struggled with chemo brain. Going back to college after cancer was painful and sometimes demoralizing, with memory issues.

My body is obviously different, post chemo, surgery and radiation. I just got diagnosed with osteoarthritis in both shoulders, both knees and possibly my hip. One of the most trying cancer curses that I still deal with is fear. Every twinge, ache or pain that sends your mind THERE. I have sat in the ER, in pain, wishing for kidney stones or anything else, as long as it wasn’t cancer again. I face these issues, try to mitigate the damages, and I move on.

I realized I can let cancer and divorce control my life or I can control it. I could let all of this pull me under or I could use it as a catalyst for starting over and I could create a new amazing life for myself and my children. It was my choice. I chose the new amazing life.

One of the gifts from my cancer experience was I realized that I needed to live my life now and pursue my dreams; so I have.

I have wanted to be a writer since I was five years old but I kept putting it off until someday, but someday wasn’t happening. When I was going through all this, the writing came pouring out; someday was now. I just released my second book of poetry and my third book about my experience with cancer will hopefully be out in a few months.

I ran a triathlon with The Team Phoenix Cancer Team. I was selected to be a Ford Model of Courage, which is an honor I am so proud of, since we represent others struggling through breast cancer. (If you haven’t checked out Ford’s Warriors in Pink Program, check it out, there are so many freebies and support on there to help people facing breast cancer).

I have helped launch my three wonderful children into successful adulthood and on various states of being on their own. I have just moved in with my amazing boyfriend. I have reinvented myself in my career and started my own business, as well as being part of a startup technology company that will change the world.

I would love to tell you that my financial problems are all over, but it is getting so much better. I sold my house, the only thing I got in my divorce, and I just purchased a small house that’s paid for and will bring in some much needed income. This December I will walk across the stage and receive my English degree, after being on the 34-year plan. My children and I are so close. This experience has created a family bond that inspires me and keeps me going. They were my strength as we went through this and we fought through all this together.

One of the greatest gifts this journey has given me is that I have inspired myself. I now appreciate my talents, my strength, my beauty and my own wisdom.

So this Phoenix is learning how to fly and moving quickly away from the ashes of my old life. It is still at times a turbulent flight, but I am gaining altitude and I am starting to soar.

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