After The Diagnosis, Her Biggest Concern Was Her Kids. Her Greatest Loss Was Her Marriage.
Rays of Resilience: 31 Stories in 31 Days. So many people around the world have been affected by breast cancer, yet no two breast cancer journeys are the same. This Breast Cancer Awareness Month, we’re celebrating a new survivor every day. Their resilience is an inspiration to us all.
On the morning of October 8, 2014, I took my kids to school, grabbed a coffee, and called my doctor’s office about a lump I had found in my right breast. Three hours later I was at the radiologist for a mammogram and ultrasound. The ultrasound technician called in the radiologist who pointed to a black and white screen and told me it was breast cancer. He told me to call my husband and ask him to come because he would like to do a biopsy to confirm the diagnosis.
I felt like life had just hit slow motion. I nodded and talked but I don’t remember anything I said or even walking out to my car to make that phone call. It was like a tornado of things going through my mind. I was trying to process what I had just heard. As soon as I heard my husband’s voice I couldn’t speak. He knew where I was so the silence said it all.
I waited the hour it took him to drive there in my car. When he arrived, we went in together. 48 hours later I got the confirmation that the lump was malignant. My doctor assured me that the tumor was small and we caught it early.
I wasn’t afraid of whatever treatment laid ahead. My biggest concern was my kids. I hated that my diagnosis was causing so much fear and anxiety for them. I wanted to make sure whatever happened they knew how much they were loved. I spent the next two months between tests and doctors visits preparing for every scenario. I went to the drug store and I spent two hours picking greeting cards for every life event my son and daughter have to look forward to. Birthdays, graduation, weddings, first baby, a couple just because, and one for the future spouse who won their hearts. It took me weeks to write each card. That stack of cards with one letter to my husband still sit in the safe today.
On December 10, I underwent a skin-sparing double mastectomy. Initial pathology showed the cancer had not spread to my lymph nodes. Five days later my doctor called to tell me the final report showed one node had been invaded.
On December 21, they went back in and took nine more. They were clean. Because the cancer was so fast growing and had involved my lymphatic system I had to do chemo. For the next four months I underwent some of the roughest sickness I’ve ever faced. During this time I also got biweekly injections to stretch my skin in preparation for the reconstruction surgery.
In May of 2015, I underwent a 13-hour reconstruction surgery. Shortly after being released I had a serious post-op infection and had to be surgically cleaned out. Followed by one more surgery to remove graphs. The following year I developed a rare lymphedema-related infection. I was admitted for IV antibiotics followed by 21 more days of IV antibiotics at home. In the last three years I have had a total of 14 additional infections, all requiring hospitalization and IV antibiotics at home.
There is no way to describe the impact of this diagnosis. The pain of surgery, the pain of skin-stretching implant fills, the ugliness of chemo. For me, the worst part has been the fear in my children’s eyes, as well as the toll it’s taken on my friends and family.
One of the greatest losses I’ve experienced was my marriage. From the initial diagnoses my husband slowly started pulling away. He hated the hospital and I was a frequent flyer. I resented him not being there with me and he resented me not being there for him, which ultimately led to divorce. I’m a very glass-is-half-full type personality; as most survivors tell you, you do what you have to do. You power through with the promise of your future. To get to that future and have lost your partner in the process is difficult.
The silver lining I’ve found in this is that I’ve slowed down. I’ve stopped doing so much for my family and I do more with them. My community wrapped me up and I will never doubt I am loved. My faith is strong and I believe God has a plan.
My advice to other women facing this diagnosis is to never lose hope. When the sun goes down, the stars come out.
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